Do Unkept Promises Mean Failure?
‘Tis the season for promises made for ourselves and others. “I will go on a diet until I lose all the weight I have gained.” “I will join Planet Fitness and exercise for an hour three times a week.” “I will keep up with my paperwork and never let myself get behind again!” I know, because I have said each of these things, many times and they didn’t happen. But, did I fail?
I would do well for a time. I did Tony Horton’s P90X including his jump training. I was quicker and could jump higher than ever in my life at 55 years of age. Until I hurt my back. I could barely walk for a week and missed a hiking vacation with my brothers and our families that year. I got involved with Peter Egoscue for physical therapy, but that particular type of exercise was over for me.
I tried the Jenny Craig diet. I had a coach, was exercising and was eating a lot of vegetables. I lost the weight and slowly cut down on veggies salads as I transitioned off of the diet. As vegetable portions declined, other food portions swelled and so did I! All of this happened slowly and imperceptibly as I was no longer watching. I had lost weight, the crisis was over, and crisis management left me scratching my head again.
I’m sure that I’m not alone and that you have your own story to tell about previous promises made to yourself and not kept. You may continue to struggle with a particular issue that you assume will “never get better”. And, of course, such an assumption is predictive.
How to Reach Your Most Challenging Goals
So, how can you approach your promises and reach your goals more successfully? Here are a few suggestions:
Learn From Every Moment
Every supposed “failure” provides information for future directions. We must learn from every moment of our lives. Teaching ourselves to not to value some period of time in our life like, “failures”, “losses”, “embarrassing moments” tend to congregate in our brain forcing us into the same misperceptions again and again.
Ask yourself: “What did I learn from this experience?” If the answer is, “Nothing!” Then ask yourself, “What could I learn from this experience if there is something to learn?" There’s gold in “failed efforts” that you must dig out for yourself or you can ask for the help of a good friend or expert in the field.
Why do you want to accomplish this task?
Your motivator circuit is based in the nucleus accumbens which controls brain’s your driving force. It is responsible for the success of each type of relationship in your life. You want to ignite and grow this area of your brain and working on relationship goals does just that - for the rest of your life. Even when you “lose,” you are building this area of your brain. Much like in any good marital therapy, you can’t change for the other person. But you can change more effectively if you include motivations for all types of relationships. So rather than setting a goal of “losing weight” you would engage and grow more of your brain and meet with more success by stating the goal in terms of your relationships. For example, in relationship with:
Self: “I will constantly make my body better!”
Intimate partner: “I will to enjoy our intimate life a little more each day.”
Family: “I will run with my kids now and for years to come!”
Friends: “I will inspire my friends always.”
Colleagues: “I will be someone who takes care of themselves a little better each day in this environment.”
Life Interest mates: “I will physically challenge my teammates to improve a little each day.”
Mentor: “I will inspire those who inspire me!”
Don’t be afraid to label your efforts in a superlative way
“I am a world class dancer!”
“I am the ultimate lover.”
“I am an inspiring parent.”
“I am a master of friendship.”
“I am a business guru”
“I am an athlete to be admired!”
“I am THE ultimate inspirer!”
Measuring and Monitoring
With these types of goals in mind, “measuring and monitoring” take on a whole new meaning. You enter each moment of your day with the question - how can I accomplish just a little more of these goals, right now?! If this is not how you are living you might ask yourself, “Why not?” Life’s never boring!
Goals help ignite the process of brain growth and broaden your engagement with life. Each relationship becomes another nidus of wisdom and skill development. Then truly, you will never experience any effort as a loss again!
To learn more ways to effectively set and reach your biggest goals, sign up risk-free for the Grow in Oneness video course. You can also get inspired and motivated by listening to the Oneness Approach podcast.