The Path of Delusion
At times we may choose to run. We may refuse further counseling. We change counselors and do our best to make sure that the dance with this new therapist takes a different path. We may limit information. We may bury our defenses so they are less obvious to others. And we then redouble our efforts to make others appear wrong.
And we hope no one notices.
But there likely exists an ache deep within us. Although we continue to blame others we may suspect we are wrong, bad, unloved and unlovable. So we lie to ourselves, again and continue hiding. “Everything is just fine, excellent really” Until the next relationship, job, etc., and the old feeling returns and it, “Here we go again...that jerk!” (Delusion...intact!)
When the Path of Delusion Serves Us
Other times when we judge ourselves as bad, we revel in it. We endlessly entertain various thoughts based on our worthlessness. ‘We are worthless, we have always been worthless and we will always be worthless.’ It’s painful, but it provides a certain amount of certainty that we have learned to live with. There are decisions that it frees us from. It also will also free us to make decisions that may not be available to us otherwise.
- “I’ll always be a drunk. That’s what they tell me, so I might as well have another drink.”
- “I have no future, I might as well agree to get married, what could it hurt?”
- “Why even ask for a raise? I’ll never measure up?”
- “Why ask my family to visit or call during the holidays, I’m so boring?”
- “I’m too stupid to speak up at Bible study (or Sangha)”
- “Why see a therapist, I can’t fight these obsessions?”
- “If I admit that to my therapist/counselor then they will know what a loser I am!”
- “If I get up I’ll just feel worse. I’ll just stay in bed.”
- “I’m always in pain. I’ll always be in pain. I just have to be able to talk about it more.”
- “I can’t find a job. Who would hire me? I just need to find a way to enjoy myself more.”
- “There is no help for me. All medicines are bad for you. I heard that on a website/book/Radio/TV/Conference.
- I’ve tried all the ‘holistic’ remedies. I guess I’ll be depressed for the rest of my life.”
And it goes on and on and on. The ‘Three Poisons’ run in all of us. They tend to run together, shifting from one to another. When we have one of the first two, Greed or Anger/anxiousness we will go back and forth. Anger to addiction and back. I am so angry that guy didn’t hire me today. What does it take to get a job around here!!! By the way...I’d like a double whopper, large fry, double chocolate shake and two pieces of pie! Thank-you, I love this place! Can you believe my luck? This is what always happens to me. And "you know all the crap I’m going to get for this when I get back home!!!”
Often, on the path of Delusion we have already worn out the first two distractions. We can go from one to another or just sink in an intense feeling that includes all three. We label something or someone in a negative way...Loner, loser, abusive, judgmental, etc., and when we think about it the accompanying emotion is intense and sustaining and we become addicted to this emotion.
And, we fold it into the rest of our lives. This makes it more palatable internally and with others. We are all OK but for this...person, place or thing.
Neurobiologically, our highest mind has developed a separate center from which to guide all of our thoughts, feelings and actions. A whole new system of rules applies to this one aspect of our lives. It is not as deeply connected to our unconscious mind so can run along thinking in ways that don’t work undetected. It can promote unspeakable harm, unconnected. Therapists at times call this a schism. It is a pathological defense that we all have to some degree. And we pass it on to those we love and who love us!
Can Therapy Help Us Exit the Path of Delusion?
So how is therapy going to help us? We have it. We don’t know we have it. At some level, we don’t want to know we have it. And...it will likely be painful to find it, admit it and make amends for it and finally let the strategy go.
All of this is true. What is also true is that our ‘spiritual source’ wants us to find these weeds in our garden and knows how much this is costing us and all those who love us. In Oneness, our ‘spiritual source’ needs us to see clearly, love and have great compassion for all of those who he equally loves. We are on our ‘Higher Power’s team and it is called, ‘Team Compassion,’ and we are dropping the ball. We are hurting ourselves and others and the entire team in ways we cannot imagine. Our entire team loves us, needs us to do this work, seek out these distortions/attachments/’Three Poisons/schisms, admit them and make amends