You love each other. You really do! You absolutely couldn’t ask for anything more from your partner. Both of you feel the same way and when you are together, sparks fly. But...something is missing...there is an emptiness that seems to pervade your life and it’s hard to put your finger on it.
When Personal Development is Stunted
Often, when you’re feeling this emptiness and you can’t find any reason for it, the problem lies in
another type of relationship. This can be very confusing, as the intimate relationship is often characterized as meeting your every need. Hollywood has been selling this for decades and, if you believe in the movies, you may have bought into it too.
You may have gotten too early of a start on your intimate relationship “story”. Many people that I serve in my practice tell me that they began dating and “falling in love” in junior high. There just hasn’t been time to develop any real sense of “who you are” this early in life.
Personal Development through Friendships
Much of your early development pertaining to your sense of self happens when you deepen friendships with others of the same sex, whether you are gay or straight. You may join an all girl’s organization or an all boy’s team. This provides you a time to work with and develop respect for others who share many of your characteristics. During this time you develop an affinity for this type of relationship. It meets your need for same sex bonding. In the end, you feel good about yourself and others like you. It contributes to rich personal development.
Personal Development in Your Intimate Relationship
Starting from this place, you can hold onto who you are as you enter into an intimate relationship. In the intimate relationship, the feelings are different. The rules are different. The possibilities are different. These differences build excitement and potential for enduring happiness in this relationship type.
Keeping these differences fresh can be a struggle. Like the saying goes, “The longer you hang around someone…the more you become like them”. You love your intimate partner. You love the way they are. Part of the attraction may even be to acquire some of their qualities. Certainly you will reach for commonality in your decision-making.
What if the ongoing happiness of the intimate relationship is dependent on the differences that started it?
What if it is the masculine and feminine traits that you each have gives the relationship the juice that “puts it over the top?”
Our brain forms "relationship rivers of information” that track along each relationship type. We have our relationship with our Spiritual Source, intimate relationships, family relationships, friendships, colleagues, life interest relationships and mentors. Each river represents a system in our brain that is real and provides for the relationship story we live our lives by. The richer we engage with each story, the more engaged we are in our relationships.
Oneness Personal Development
Can you imagine what happens when you short-circuit your relationship development by getting involved in an intimate relationship too early? Add to this the pressure you may feel to mold to the other’s personality. It clearly will interfere with your ongoing discovery of your unique qualities. You may never fully get in touch with the core of who you are. Without this internal juice the relationship will struggle to build, grow and inspire.
The Oneness Approach suggests that you grow each of these relationship types in a thoughtful way. This allows the broadest, richest personal development possible. Clearly there are many ways to live, love or make these choices. Creating a balance in your relationships has distinct advantages to personal development. It allows you to reach out and develop fully every aspect of yourself.
With this internal juice - this internal Oneness - you can expand with every relationship in your life. This includes your intimate relationship where the Oneness you share can inspire within and between you both!
What if you could grow all of your relationship types, including your intimate relationship, in a meaningful way, while at the same time working on your own personal development? You and your intimate partner can do just that by completing the Oneness course together.