When something newsworthy happens, why does one news organization say one thing and another say exactly the opposite! Where do you go to find the truth? When you try to help someone with a decision why do they either not listen, take offense or do exactly the opposite? Why bother to try to help when no one listens? Lastly, people say you are smart… so why are you still struggling? Where can you go to find your answers?
Where Struggles Start
When you were young your parents had their own struggles and you were raised under the umbrella of those struggles. I spoke with Kristy Arbon, the administrative director at the “Center for Mindful Self-Compassion” founded in 2012 by Drs. Kristen Neff and Christen Germer. She shared with me how her parents struggled to make a living on a small farm in Australia.
Her father wanted to go to college but his family and the farm needed him at home. She, like her father, was smart and became very hard working. Her hard-working nature was accompanied by the sense that such hard work was critical to her survival. As she now looks back, she shared that this led to an educational path that didn’t work for her. No matter how hard she tried, she found her math and science coursework impossible. The internalized sense that she had to be successful in anything she tried lead to personal confusion and was extremely painful. She shared that her life had to be turned upside down before she would admit to herself that there must be another way.
Thankfully, there was a loving compassionate aunt in her childhood who simply enjoyed her for who she was. When Kristen’s ‘flight or fight,’ take no prisoners approach didn’t work for her, she had another place inside her to go. Her aunt had established a way for Kristy to think about herself that included not only her skills, but the sense of self that she was born with. With the love of her parents and the additional love of her aunt provided she has been able to make decisions that were courageous and effective.
Learn to Live with Self-compassion
She and her American husband came to the United States and through a variety of employments came to know and enjoy the comfort of being a part of a spiritual community. She met Dr. Kristen Neff at the Barre Center for Buddhist Studies where she worked. Dr. Neff has pioneered the mind/body/spirit integrations of Mindful Self Compassion. As you might imagine the effect on Kristen was dramatic. It helped her integrate the many messages from her past about who she was - freeing her to simply be herself.
Do you feel confused about the direction of your life? Maybe it’s time to take a step back and go to the only person in the world who has your answers…you. Kristy recommended that you read information by authors you trust about finding your own way. She also recommended you find a counselor who shares your values. Lastly, she recommended you find a group where you can be yourself and feel comfortable finding your way in openness, honesty and trust.
There is a way to find sustained happiness. Develop a practice based on self-compassion. Look for, find and truly enjoy the little boy or girl who has always been with you. From this place of compassion for yourself and others, share your gifts wisely and passionately. Surround yourself with people who truly see who you are.
If you would like to learn who you really are and how to pursue your passion consider signing up risk-free to my Oneness Approach Grow Membership. Discover and start leveraging abilities you never knew you had!