"I plight thee my troth." It sounds good. It sounds important. But, what does it really mean? When you get married and are standing in front of family and friends you want it to work! You found someone to love and someone who loves you. You’ve taken the time to make sure that “this is the one”. Family and friends seem to agree - although by this time, if they have concerns, they are likely keeping it to themselves! So now, standing in front of everyone, you say those magic words, “I plight thee my troth”. Which basically means, “With everything I stand for, I give you my truth, my ultimate commitment”.
Fulfilling your wedding vows and making the most of your marriage requires such a commitment. It’s somewhat like winning the lottery. All of the sudden you have someone who will have your back for the rest of their life. They will work hard, play hard and love you in ways that no one else can. They are wonderfully different from you. They bring to the relationship all they have and best of all, they love you. No one forced them to do it, they simply see who you are and dream about who you both can be. But, have you seen how things turn out for lottery winners?
Working Together to Fulfill Your Wedding Vows
Hmmm ... who you both can be. This includes quite a bit. You will decide and carry out almost every decision you both will make for the rest of your life. How to get up in the morning, how to pray, what’s for breakfast and who’s going to cook, who’s going to work outside the home, where will they work. Will they call when they can? Will they pick something up on their way home? How will you greet each other when you walk through the door (even on a bad day)? Will you take a few minutes to be together before taking care of the kids? Will there be kids? How will you raise them? How will you teach them about God? Will you work-out? Will you work out together? Will you have a sit down dinner? How does work around the house get done? How do the kids get to soccer? Do you give thanks and pray together before you go to bed and when the two of you go to bed, will there still be the time and space to be together, to love each other and give thanks to God who made all of this possible?
You “plighted your troth”, your ultimate truth. Your “ultimate truth” is the reason you were placed in this world. It lives every day in your relationship with God. Everyone has an “ultimate truth”. Your subconscious mind demands it. Your subconscious mind remembers everything you have ever been through. It is always looking out for you. It looks for opportunities in every relationship you have. It allows you to engage with others, to empathically understand them, to feel compassion for them and to love them. It is the greatest force in your life. All that it asks is that you know that it is there. To know it is there you must decide. You must put into words your ultimate truth. Who are you? Why were you put on this earth?
Ways to Make it Work
This is important both for you and for the one you have committed to. Your subconscious mind can engage fully - when you decide! Here are a few places you may now find yourself.
You may have waited to make such a decision
- Now’s a good time for you both to begin the journey together by “walking with an answer” by getting involved with a community that believes as you do.
You may both have made a decision, but not really discussed how it will serve your marriage
- Now’s a great time to meet with other couples with successful marriages and ask about their family’s faith life.
- There are plenty of books and organizations that can help fill in your plans.
You both may have made decisions about your faith life that substantially disagree
- Now’s the time to find someone that you both trust to help you find the decisions that will serve your family.
- Talk with successful couples who seem happy and have experience with this.
You may have a common faith and thoughtfully crafted decisions on how to live out your faith for the rest of your lives
- Write these decisions down. Refer to them frequently.
- Walk with these answers with an open mind. Faith is dynamic. By sharing your faith in daily prayer, day to day changes in life will also be shared and considered in Him.
- Find couples to share your faith walk.
- See one more reason to be thankful for your spouse every time you come together (You won God’s lottery!).
- Protect your sexual intimacy by keeping all such thoughts, feelings and actions in Him.
- Keep dating and protect daily “couple’s time” together.
- When you disagree, remember that you love each other. God is whispering in your ear during these times. You both need to feel comfortable sharing your point of view to discover the fruit of His point of view. (The power of the third choice -Not your choice, not mine, but His)
- When you can’t agree upon a decision or are unable to follow through with a decision, reach out for help. There is likely a skill, point of view or opportunity that either one or both of you require. This isn’t a crime, it’s normal. Enlist someone you both trust to help you make a decision and follow through with it.
To learn more ways to enjoy healthy, happy relationships with your spouse, children, extended family, workmates, friends and mentors, sign up risk-free for the Grow in Oneness course today.