Ways of Thinking that Cause Us to Slip
Have you noticed that there are things that at least at times make you feel and act a little crazy? You’ve told someone a million times…Ok, maybe it’s been ten times, to take the garbage out before the garbage truck arrives. You hear the truck coming, you look outside and everyone’s garbage is out there - except yours!
(I’ll capitalize where we tend to slip into craziness!)
Why do they ALWAYS forget? You do EVERYTHING for them and they NEVER do ANYTHING for you! They are ALWAYS doing something to MAKE YOU ANGRY. They have NEVER done ANYTHING for you! No wonder you NEED A DRINK… OR TWO by the end of the day. No ONE EVER does ANYTHING around here but you! You are beginning to think that THEY ARE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE! What kind of people would do such a thing? They MUST be CRAZY, LAZY or STUPID there really is NO OTHER EXPLANATION!
A Human Tendency: Unhealthy Thought Patterns
Most of us go through at least a little bit of this kind of thinking every day. As you might imagine, “thinking this way” can lead to “thinking this way” even more. As you do, you begin to believe what you are thinking. So your mind automatically begins to look for “more evidence” that they are being “thoughtless” and “terrible” to you. And your mind is pretty good at finding what it's looking for. It also is pretty good at ignoring what it is not looking for! If you don’t believe me please see this interesting page.
Another interesting thing happens when you think this way. You tend to act on what you are thinking. So, you talk to a few of your friends about "the injustice of it all." You tell them how it started and since then all you have noticed. Some friends may not be interested in such a conversation, so you stick with the ones who “seem to understand.” Pretty soon your friendships have adjusted to those people who “really care about you.”
Other Tendencies that Strain Relationships
Another interesting human tendency is that you will talk about this with your friends in a very - shall we say - “friendly way”. However, when you talk to “those lazy people” you are likely pretty angry. You may be surprised at their response. Likely, they won’t appreciate being treated like they are crazy, lazy or stupid. They may even become more than a little bit angry at you! But, ever vigilant, your mind will add this to their "list of offenses" proving to you beyond any doubt that they indeed are simply terribly broken.
Yet another human tendency is to talk to everyone else about this... except the person involved. Conflict isn’t fun and you know that when you bring this kind of thing up it ALWAYS leads to an argument. Another human tendency we share is we can’t really hide our feelings all that well. Eventually, they will likely notice the less than warm welcome they get throughout the day. They may even notice that none of your friends seem to want to talk to them anymore. So they finally get up the courage to ask you, “What’s wrong?”
How could they ask such a “STUPID” question? They KNOW FULL WELL what they didn’t do! So you angrily let them know that once again they totally ignored you, like they always do, and once again forgot to take out the garbage last week. You then add to their list of offenses all of the things you have noticed since then and what all of your friends now think about them.
Then they remind you, “last week was your week to take out the garbage”. Worse than that they let you know, “I saw you forgot it, so I took care of it just before the truck arrived”. For some reason you now feel even more angry at them than before! You now remember that they are right but “that doesn’t explain all of the other things you noticed since then” and besides EVERYONE agrees with you!
Learn to Make Your Mind Work Better
If this sounds all too familiar, continue reading this month’s Oneness Approach Newsletter as we discuss why these kinds of perceptions and communications are so common. Also, please consider one of my coaching courses to learn more about how our mind works and how to have it work better for you!