They say that it is a risk to try to “take the next step” with a very good friend and enter the realms of intimacy and I agree.
Each of your relationship types are recorded in your mind in their own memory streams. Each memory stream tells a story and runs by a flavor that is unique to each type of relationship (intimacy, family, friends, colleagues, life interest partner, mentor etc).
The friendship stream is a wonderful mountain stream from which many other relationship streams begin. Each major shift in an individual relationship carries a risk. For example: Can you work for them? Can you own a business together? Can you mentor them?
However, the most encompassing for you and rest of your life would be… Can you be intimate with them?
What Intimacy Means and Should Always Mean
Relationship intimacy means sharing both deeply and broadly. Your mind needs to mirror each other in a way that simply feels like love. When you feel empathy, you are open to how another feels. When you show compassion, you are open to how another feels and wish to help them. If you feel both empathy and compassion, that’s love.
It’s often a big, scary leap forward. Intimidating, because it requires that you maintain a strong sense of who you are, while you “feel into” the other, seeing past the surface of their usual expressions and sensing “who they are” at their core. Some would call this looking into their soul. Neuro-biologically, you are truly sensing the depths of their Subconscious Mind.
Your Subconscious Mind organizes the memory of every situation you have perceived with your senses since before your birth. Its organization extends far beyond any kind of organization that you can consciously conceive.
It has direct access to all of your senses, all of the time. It is always arranging and rearranging information in ways that optimize your experience of living. It uses yesterday to optimize the now, simultaneously creating a sense of joy for the future. Reaching deeply into this warm pool of another feels… goooood!
To enjoy this deep, subconscious connection, you each need to be mentally aligned. Your Conscious Mind must align with your Subconscious Mind as you think about them, see them and look into their eyes.
When you are aligned with each other, you can reach deeply into your own Subconscious Mind allowing to “feel into” theirs. This is the well-known “chemistry” everyone knows and wishes for. Your Subconscious Minds find common ground and this gives you two the “chemistry” so necessary to fall in love.
This is love’s depth. Let’s now discuss the “broad aspect” of intimate love.
A Huge Canopy of Connection
Your intimate relationship shares many of the gifts of your life. It should. It shares your home, finances, hobbies, your life position, your family, much of your time and future aspirations and much, much more.
Each gift in your life carries with it a unique challenge, e.g., the more of anything good you have, the more you need to learn to manage it. These challenges are motivated and affected by love. The greater the love, the greater the challenge, the motivation, the impact.
Sometimes makes you wish for the “simpler times” in your life, doesn’t it! You need time to acquire the wisdom to handle each of these challenges. And you share many of these gifts and challenges with your intimate partner. This is the broad aspect of love.
Sharing is Loving, Loving is Sharing
Love requires time and a gentle sharing of everything, including and especially challenges.
The biggest challenge is to remain aligned. This allows you to “feel into” these relationship challenges while simultaneously “feeling into” each other. This represents the dance of love unique to you and your partner.
Your patterns of giving and sharing define your relationship and your way of truly “seeing” each other in even the most difficult of times.
Here is a list of suggestions that may help you and your intimate partner. Add these tips to ones you already use to stay aligned. It will be your list of “gentle sharing”:
1. While you may fall in love quickly, share your life slowly. Give yourselves the time to experience and enjoy each new aspect of each other’s life.
2. Help each other develop “who you are.” Helping each other align firmly with your “reason for being alive” or “Spiritual Source” strengthens your ability to remain aligned in all of your relationships, including this one.
3. Allow each other the space “in your head” from which to share. Let each sharing make the “stew” of your relationship taste even better. Allow some mystery and allow each other the time and space to share genuinely.
4. This relationship shares much of your life but can not support the weight of all of it. Allow each other the relationships that help you both grow and contribute personally, professionally and globally. Relationships that promote mutual growth endure.
5. There are many aspects of your life that may be “partially cooked”. You may be a bit sullen, angry, anxious and sore about these aspects. Give yourself time to resolve these issues as much as you can before sharing. Then share it in the way that works for you both, according to your experience of your relationship dance. Sharing too much pain, too quickly or in a way that doesn’t work only makes alignment difficult. This leads to the “brother-sister” relationships that are so prevalent today.
6. Relationships requires your “best game” each day. Many mistake relationship intimacy as a time to “let go and relax”, “let my hair down”, “do and say as I please”, etc. Most of the time these are really times where we allow ourselves to be mentally unaligned. We allow ourselves to be sullen, angry, anxious and judgmental. In reality, we are not being our best selves.
Instead, take care of yourself. If you need to rest, then rest. Take care of your body. This not only helps you remain aligned it also helps you get to know your body and your Subconscious Mind better.
7. Start your day together. Exercise together. Pray/Meditate together. Plan each morning how you will make your relationships 1% better. Eat together. Text each other throughout the day. Look for new ways to see each as other more beautiful each day. Have fun, sing, make love and laugh together. When necessary, cry together. Forgive each other. Review what you accomplished each day together. And…kiss each other each night before you go to sleep.
These are just a few ideas. Please comment on ways you and you intimate partner maintain your alignment ... and your love.
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