The first portion of the Students of Oneness video series reaffirms who you are and what you bring to the table of life. We review a lot about the role of family and the importance each family member has in your life. This is a group of people you did not choose and yet you automatically have a lifetime association with them. More than this, you are related. That means that there is a lot about them that is a lot like you!
What You Can Learn from Your Family
These people have a lot to offer you in the way of understanding who you are, the strengths you bring to this life and the flavor you will carry into your own family life. Develop a difficult relationship with your opposite sex parent and you will likely see this play out in your intimate relationship…believe it or not! Develop difficult relationships with your siblings and you will likely struggle with close friendships and again in intimacy. “Divorce” your entire family and closeness with many in your life may be difficult.
As people enter their 30s and 40s these tendencies become more evident. You leave home in your late teens and early twenties. Thereafter you likely begin your own family and you like start noticing that the approach you took with your family of origin is slowly, or not so slowly, returning. There are several reasons for this. You were a part of your family of origin. When you were young you likely were not able to see how you fit into the struggles the family had. Unfortunately, we are often able to see other people’s issues long before our own.
Long-term Family Issues
Another reason you may find that your old family issues and struggles have followed you is that you married someone who found that you have that “special something” that made them fall in love with you. That “special something” is often a genetic and personal tendency to align with you much as you were able with your opposite sex parent. This, of course, isn’t always true. It may be some combination of both of your parents. The unfortunate part is that, after the dust settles and just about the time your kids hit adolescents, the issues you had with your parents will likely now show up with your intimate partner and visa-versa.
Given these very strong tendencies, many try to resolve their family issues and mend their relationships with parents and siblings as a “prevent defense” against future problems in their own families. This is a very good idea. Certainly, trying to get along while everyone is still in the home is optimal. If not, when efforts are made to forgive one another, children and siblings may get along better when they are not living together.
It is truly heartbreaking to see how easily we tend to get angry with one another. Often little support is available to help family members work through life’s issues when children find themselves in the middle. When involved in such situations you must realize that these family schisms can last a lifetime not only between family members but within each family member. As time passes, initial efforts to try mend fences are tentative and the passage of time and differing story lines create widening disconnects, Running into these disconnects can reignite fear and further close the doors of healing. Expect this when in these situations. Predict it so when it happens pole can smile and say to each other..."That was on of those disconnects...you know I've grown a bit since we last talked. I'm not a child anymore! (lol)"
Working to Resolve Family Issues
There are two steps to address when dealing with family issues. I have often seen people try to restore their relationships with their estranged family members before they themselves are ready. It is usually not the issues that initially seemed to have caused the initial schism. The most difficult issues are usually related to the personal issues of the parents that attempted to live together and love each other but were never able to do so. There were likely multiple misunderstandings that were born of the attempt to blend their personalities and their families.
The first step in healing an earlier broken relationship with a family member is to understand the struggles the parents had and potentially never resolved. Another possibility of these issue exist when people remain married and one person simply acquiesced. I suggest parents do all they can to work on and point to their own issues when discussing such things with their children. Otherwise, this leaves the children to try to resolve these occult issues for themselves.
As one of the children, you can "feel into" the roles each person played in your family of origin. Without this map it will be difficult to predict, avoid and eventually fall into these same issues. The problem often is, they weren’t your issues - they were your parent’s issues. Certainly you have issues of your own that developed along the way but those are usually clearer and easier to predict.
We all need to support the relationships within our families much more than is common today. This is your chance to “figure yourself out”. Life is simply too short to wait and to precious to waste.
Oneness with our Spiritual Source is available to us and between us. In the beginning and in the end it is the center of who we all are…
I invite you to find Oneness within, for yourself and then share the feeling of Oneness with your intimate partner through my video courses. You'll discover and refine your own strengths and learn to use them to better all of your relationships.