family-in-fieldThe first portion of the Students of Oneness video series reaffirms who you are and what you bring to the table of life. We review a lot about the role of family and the importance each family member has in your life. This is a group of people you did not choose and yet you automatically have a lifetime association with them. More than this, you are related. That means that there is a lot about them that is a lot like you!

What You Can Learn from Your Family

These people have a lot to offer you in the way of understanding who you are, the strengths you bring to this life and the flavor you will carry into your own family life. Develop a difficult relationship with your opposite sex parent and you will likely see this play out in your intimate relationship…believe it or not! Develop difficult relationships with your siblings and you will likely struggle with close friendships and again in intimacy. “Divorce” your entire family and closeness with many in your life may be difficult.

As people enter their 30s and 40s these tendencies become more evident. You leave home in your late teens and early twenties. Thereafter you likely begin your own family and you like start noticing that the approach you took with your family of origin is slowly, or not so slowly, returning. There are several reasons for this. You were a part of your family of origin. When you were young you likely were not able to see how you fit into the struggles the family had. Unfortunately, we are often able to see other people’s issues long before our own.

Long-term Family Issues

Another reason you may find that your old family issues and struggles have followed you is that you married someone who found that you have that “special something” that made them fall in love with you. That “special something” is often a genetic and personal tendency to align with you much as you were able with your opposite sex parent. This, of course, isn’t always true. It may be some combination of both of your parents. The unfortunate part is that, after the dust settles and just about the time your kids hit adolescents, the issues you had with your parents will likely now show up with your intimate partner and visa-versa.

Given these very strong tendencies, many try to resolve their family issues and mend their relationships with parents and siblings as a “prevent defense” against future problems in their own families. This is a very good idea. Certainly, trying to get along while everyone is still in the home is optimal. If not, when efforts are made to forgive one another, children and siblings  may get along better when they are not living together.

It is truly heartbreaking to see how easily we tend to get angry with one another. Often little support is available to help family members work through life’s issues when children find themselves in the middle. When involved in such situations you must realize that these family schisms can last a lifetime not only between family members but within each family member. As time passes, initial efforts to try mend fences are tentative and the passage of time and differing story lines create widening disconnects, Running into these disconnects can reignite fear and further close the doors of healing. Expect this when in these situations. Predict it so when it happens pole can smile and say to each other..."That was on of those disconnects...you know I've grown a bit since we last talked. I'm not a child anymore! (lol)"

Working to Resolve Family Issues

There are two steps to address when dealing with family issues. I have often seen people try to restore their relationships with their estranged family members before they themselves are ready. It is usually not the issues that initially seemed to have caused the initial schism. The most difficult issues are usually related to the personal issues of the parents that attempted to live together and love each other but were never able to do so. There were likely multiple misunderstandings that were born of the attempt to blend their personalities and their families.

The first step in healing an earlier broken relationship with a family member is to understand the struggles the parents had and potentially never resolved. Another possibility of these issue exist when people remain married and one person simply acquiesced. I suggest parents do all they can to work on and point to their own issues when discussing such things with their children. Otherwise, this leaves the children to try to resolve these occult issues for themselves.

As one of the children, you can "feel into" the roles each person played in your family of origin. Without this map it will be difficult to predict, avoid and eventually fall into these same issues. The problem often is, they weren’t your issues - they were your parent’s issues. Certainly you have issues of your own that developed along the way but those are usually clearer and easier to predict.

We all need to support the relationships within our families much more than is common today. This is your chance to “figure yourself out”. Life is simply too short to wait and to precious to waste.

Oneness with our Spiritual Source is available to us and between us. In the beginning and in the end it is the center of who we all are…

I invite you to find Oneness within, for yourself and then share the feeling of Oneness with your intimate partner through my video courses. You'll discover and refine your own strengths and learn to use them to better all of your relationships.

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2 replies
  1. Kimberly Wilson
    Kimberly Wilson says:

    Thank you for the article. My personal experience is that it is very difficult to resolve family relationships when the other family member does not acknowledge or even flat out denies the action that is causing the issue. I try to forgive but when the behavior continues on, it becomes very, very hard to continue forgiveness, I begin to feel resentment, anger, and other negative feelings. I know this is completely not in the spirit of Oneness, and then I become conflicted. I want to forgive, to practice Oneness within, but, instead, it feels like I am practicing the definition of insanity – doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    Reply
    • Michael Seng
      Michael Seng says:

      Kim,

      Yes, this is one of the dilemmas we face. We see all around us the influence of ‘point of view’. We need only to turn on any news program and ask ourselves, “How can very smart people have such divergent points of view and say such hurtful things to one another?” While each of us must begin with our own “point of view” or “Oneness Within”, we must acknowledge that others must do the same. We look to the relationships around us for “Oneness Between”. We experience the internal environment of another. Their Oneness may resonate with ours… or not. But either way we learn about the living experience of another. This is empathy. The relationship may or may not call for compassion or ongoing connection. All of this adds to our Oneness Beyond as we gain wisdom as we experience that not everyone experiences life the way we do. Stepping way back… we being to connect dots as we see that each of our points of view has to do with many things that are beyond our control. A sense of ‘there but by the Grace of God go I” can then be deeply experienced. A gratefulness for who you are, the gifts you have been given and an appreciation for the ‘point of view’ you have been allowed.Enjoy it… grow it… appreciate it… protect it by joining those you resonate with and… rather than forgive… allow yourself to be on your learning path… and allow them to be on theirs… allowing relationships that avoid further pain and suffering and allowing any remaining space in which the two of you might grow…

      Reply

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