When you and your partner are involved with a project around the home, does it become a little contentious? Can it even get a little dangerous as boards come crashing down on each other’s head? Although this is all too common, there is another way to approach the project, and each other, that may prove helpful - even exciting!
Authentic Joy in Adventure
What if you treated such projects as an adventure? What if everything the two of you do together becomes a totally engaged experience? What if everything was raised to the level of art? Like any piece of art, there would be no need to feel dejected at a failed attempt. There would be only the awareness of the enlivening aspect of simply creating something together.
With this approach there is no need to worry about what anyone else would think. Raising your lives to the level of art, you can “create” your meals instead of “preparing” them as a chore. To accentuate this shift in their relationship my brother and his wife are enjoying “Iron Chef” date nights. I know that may seem a little different but why hold back? We are often too ready, with too many reasons, not to engage in even modestly creative activities.
The cost of this inaction is palpable—we give up our greatest chance at being authentic, of living the life we really want to live, of feeling authentic joy. We return to the mundane of the past instead of authentically exploring of all that is available today. Authentic joy of the past can’t really be repeated. A steady diet of this creates rigidity and false expectations of similar past outcomes.
Once you’ve begun to exercise this creative part of your relationship it quickly expands to explore new ways to enjoy even the simple parts of your life. The bottom line: the more choices the two of you have and the less reactive you will become. Instead of blaming each other because things didn’t turn out as they should, you are present in the novel process and enjoy whatever the two of you create.
Write Your Own Script Together
When the two of you are creating your life together, you are essentially writing our own script and are free to choose to make changes at any point. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Ellen Langer from our podcast and from her book, “On Becoming an Artist”.
- There is no right way of doing things. The path you both are taking is the right path for you.
- No one does things better than another. The way you do things is essential to who you are and is perfect for you.
- It isn’t human to make mistakes. It’s human to be and learn from each moment you spend together. Your “mistakes” become a living part of your process.
- Everyone has talent, everything the two of you do is a clear expression of who you are and the love you share.
- “Pretending to get by,” doesn’t work and people notice and you become bored. Engage fully in each moment you share and feel your passions rise!
Always remember that your present choices are not your only life choices. Starting a creative activity is an easy way for you to begin a personal renaissance. It will grow on you. By repeatedly exploring and enjoying your options you will experience being more in the present, and truer to the love you have to share. You will feel authentic joy. Eventually, it will also become easier to notice when you fall into “habit traps”.
To continue improving all of your relationships each and every day, sign up for the Grow in Oneness course today!