When shameful thoughts return, they come back with a vengeance. You try to sleep but they just won’t stop. It may have been months or years ago, but it seems like yesterday… and it leaves you feeling broken.
When it comes to the purpose of shame, it may seem that your subconscious mind is simply beating on you, but it’s not, as a matter of fact, it can’t. Your subconscious mind is taking care of you 24 hours a day. When you stand up, it raises your blood pressure. When you sit down, it lowers your blood pressure. It recalls everything you have ever been through and sifts through all of this information, every second of every day, to provide you the next thought you think and the next word you speak. It knows you, it loves you…it is you.
Where do Feelings of Shame Come From?
There are times when you are exposed to something that overwhelms you. When you were too young to defend yourself, you may have been forced to make decisions that you were not ready for. You may have made the best decisions possible at the time but still, tragedy struck. You may have done your very best and yet, it didn’t work out at all. You may have made mistakes and the consequences were severe. And yet, you had to go on. Others blamed you and you blamed yourself but, you had to go on.
This is where your subconscious mind is forced to find a place for information that cannot be integrated…yet. Most of the time, your subconscious mind integrates information as you go along making it available for future situations as necessary. The information is recorded cognitively, emotionally, within the relationship type and by many other surrounding associations. But when you are absolutely overwhelmed, such comprehensive integration is not possible. Your subconscious mind goes into a fight, flight or freeze mode to simply survive. But the information remains.
Your subconscious mind does the best it can with the information is has. It is connected to your consciousness, to others and to the rest of the world, always. It communicates in all three spheres, always. It remembers all of this and does its best to serve you every moment of the day. And it is five years old. There are billions of neurons but their organization will always be young. And each neuron is doing the best it can with the information at hand. Each little cell of every brain circuit extends its influence for your good, the good of others and for the greater good.
But what of the poorly integrated information? When your subconscious mind went into survival mode, what happens to memories of what happened to you and to others?
Why We Feel Shame
They call out to you for help. They call out to you in situations that seem similar. They call out to you when you have learned something that may help you integrate these memories, making sense of them, dipping them into the flow of who you are.
These memories call out with excessive anger or anxiety. These feelings of anger and anxiety alternate with thoughts and feelings of addiction. Eventually, they transform into feelings of shame and blame. This is the purpose of shame. These feelings are messages from your subconscious mind that let you know that danger may still exist. But as time passes and you gain perspective the memories call out for another reason - for integration, for understanding.
If you can, take a deep breath and hold these feelings in your hand. These are the feelings of a five-year-old who now is simply asking questions.
Find the questions and walk with the question for a time. Walk with the question until your answers satisfy the little boy or girl inside you...and you again feel their smile.
For more information about this process, please see the video course Your Healing Touch.