couple-looking-over-waterIf this seems like a pretty silly question, I’m glad! It seems like common sense and the obvious retort would be, “Why not?” However, as we look around it seems pretty clear that often we struggle. We get tired, irritable, don’t have time and often ignore them. As time passes it may even seem that we no longer even like them. So, what’s up with that??

Self-love: The Key to Loving Others

Truth is, you must love yourself more deeply, consistently and in a more balanced way to have any chance to love your intimate partner. When you say, “I love you”. It involves two people. To truly love your intimate partner, you must be able to “feel into” your Subconscious Mind’s resources to ground this feeling within you (Interoceptive Neurons) and then deliver it to another (Mirror Neurons).

Your Subconscious Mind holds this ability in the form of stories that begin shortly after your birth. The ability to “ground in” and the ability to “deliver” these feelings are somewhat different for each type of relationship. Some relationship stories, like your intimate relationship story, involves experiences that start at birth with your parents. Others, like people you just met are more simple and easier to manage.

Primary Family relationships can be difficult for multiple reasons. They last a lifetime even if you never see them. They usually begin when you are very young and involve very complex and changing rules throughout your lifetime. Also, you don’t choose them, although this may also have a few unexpected benefits!

Friendships can be fairly easy as you can choose them and you can let them go if things don’t work out. They can be as long or short as makes sense to you. They can involve as little or as much of your life as makes sense at the time. Clearly longer friendships and more involved friendships require greater subconscious effort. Also, friendships are often the gateway for many other types of relationships.

Now, let’s consider your intimate relationship!

How to Love Your Intimate Partner

Your Subconscious Mind began this story before your birth. You are the combined strengths of your mother and father and have Subconscious resources that come from each. They were given to “work out their differences”. You were born with “their differences”. If they don’t work out their differences you are left to work them out for yourself. These conflicts run deep and often don’t show up until years in your marriage.

Your sense of self needs to be more completely developed to take on the requirements of a truly intimate relationship. As time goes by, any residual old issues you have ever had with almost anyone is going to rear its ugly head in your intimate relationship! Money management, time management, conflict management, self-awareness, verbal skills and childrearing to name a few.

Any issue you have in other relationships will eventually impinge upon your intimate relationship. And any issues your love has with any of the above will impinge upon the relationship too.

It is your choice but often that choice is made when you are young and have resolved very few of the above issues. It’s pretty close to going in blind.

But - not really. Your Subconscious Mind has a way of looking across the void and sensing the person who will help you complete the task of learning to love yourself better. As time goes by this slowly becomes more obvious and the Subconscious “it” of initial attraction becomes the KNOWING of sustained intimate love.

The bottom line ... learn to love yourself better, one percent a day. Begin each day by taking care of the body that is the storehouse of all of your stories. Realize that everyday your relationship stories are growing. Take the wheel! Take your relationships deeper. Get to know yourself better so that every day you can take all that you are to love all that they are. This is the best way to love your intimate partner, plus this is the only path to sustained deep and passionate love for you both!

If you would like to learn more practical ways to develop deeper, loving relationships in all aspects of your life, sign up today for the Oneness Approach Grow Membership. In it, you will learn how to unleash the power of your Subconscious Mind to improve all of your relationships at least 1% per day.

1 reply
  1. Michael Seng
    Michael Seng says:

    Dear Dr. Seng,
    In order to Love others, one must first be able to love oneself, but in order to love oneself, one must become a person that is loveable before becoming able to love, and that takes a lot of introspection, and the ability to act to become a caring, compassion person who cares about people is spite of their shortcomings, who understands human frailty, and is willing to accept people for whom they are, and also, willing to have a working relationship in helping those people to grow to whom they are capable of being. This takes a lot of introspection of oneself, realizing that as a human being, we all have shortcomings, and limitations that we must continually work on to be the person that we want to become.


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